Happy New Years

Not sure what to post about today. I'm so happy that I've been off since 7 am Sunday morning and enjoying every moment of it; because I don't have to go into work until 9pm Tuesday night and I get to do File Maintenance, which I enjoy very much. I'm sick and twisted and enjoy hanging and creating and store sequencing tags.

However, I do not enjoy looking for expired dates, or trying to find tags to items that aren't sequenced that our store may not even carry or will be carrying in the future but do not currently carry or have gotten rid of.   That part of the job sucks a lot. 

Plus the pay sucks too; I think I'm now an All Purpose Clerk, but yet I haven't been given checker training. Not that I want to become a checker or do the work of a checker.  I just think it seems a little odd to be an All Purpose Clerk; but not have gone through Checker training.   So not sure if I'm really an APC or not.

My plans for new year's eve is to just relax and enjoy my day off.   Then after I go in Tuesday night and get off at 7am Wednesday morning and I'm off until 1 pm Saturday.  And Saturday is only a four and half hour shift as a Courtesy Clerk, so I really love my schedule this week as I'm mostly FMC and then only had one day as a Courtesy Clerk.  YAY!  Because being a Courtesy Clerk is a position I most full heartily dislike.

A little more on FUnerals and anime

I may have been a little harsh in my last blog, so going to say if you're there at my funeral to comfort someone; but don't really feel the loss of me, then that's okay with me.  Funerals are for the living and helping them deal with grief, not the dead.   The dead don't care.  As far as I know they are no longer part of this world as far as I can tell.

Moving on, I just saw the OVA for the World Only God Knows and at the end, it says they are working on a 3rd season.  Can't wait to see it :D

Again I sorta agree with what he says here

Agree with his idea about how to deal with Golf, and somewhat with his opinions on homelessness.

Funerals and Death and What Lay Beyond

I was walking to work when the strangest thought entered into my head.  I was listening to music on my ipod which I usually do when I have that 3 mile walk to work.  And it wasn't any particular song, the thoughts just struck me.  Maybe it was the song, Slip Out from Beck Mongolian Chop Squad which is really Beat Crusader I think.   Or maybe it was their other song, Full Moon Sways or something like that whatever.   I started thinking that when I go, I'll probably have no mourners at my funerals.  The only true mourner would be my mother.  And she'll probably go long before I do....most likely, barring me having some kind of accident.   And that got me thinking that I'd not want anyone to mourn me out of a sense of duty, or with false sincerity.  Anyone who wants to come to my funeral with those thoughts can get the hell out. I don't want you there.   I'd rather have no one then people coming to mourn me out of a sense of duty or obligation.   That goes double for my brothers, who do not know the real me.   If you do not sincerely feel the loss of me from your life then screw you and I don't want you there.  If you are too good for my gifts that you leave them behind right where I can find them, then I want nothing from you or to do with you as you want nothing to do with me.  Fuck you.  Funerals are not for the dead.  They are to help the living deal with their grief.  The dead don't have the normal concerns anymore.  When my brother, R, died I felt nothing.  Perhaps he died to me long ago as most of my brothers have.   By that I mean symbolically.  To tell the truth I don't even like my brothers.  The only thing that ties us together is the fact that we come from the same parents.  If they were not my brothers they'd most likely have nothing to do with me. I am not a people person, in fact I dislike people immensely, a person is different.  A person I may come to like, but people as a whole make me sick, with their false charity, insincere sincerity, and stuff that feeds their own egos, and their self righteousness.  It all just pisses me off.   But I digress from my point.

Now in particular before thinking of my brother, my first thought of at death was my dad, who died some long time ago.  I miss him, but I don't feel sad that he's gone.   I didn't feel sad when he died either.   It was just painful to watch him slowly wasting away.   For a long time it felt like I was watching over someone that wore my dad's skin that couldn't be him.   Am I just cold-hearted that I feel nothing when people die?  I helped support and try to make my mom feel better; but there is only so much one person can do.  My grandmother and great aunt died I felt nothing then either.  No sadness, not even the sense I have with my dad of missing them.  

The odd thing is that if I come to know a character in a movie or series I do cry when they die.  It's so hard to resist that swelling music and climatic moment.  I guess real life doesn't have that.  

In the end, I guess I'll probably get what I want, a solitary funeral.  It'll be just me.   That's enough of the morbid talk.  Hopefully next time I post I'll have something more brighter or funnier to post about.
 

Sums up my feelings on Environmental Issues

Candy and Caramel Apples and Pen Jillette

Just found this very amusing so thought I'd share it.   Penn's Sunday School

Merry Christmas! Everyone.

Well still sucks to be poor :P   Especially around Christmas time.  I'd like to get stuff for people; but this year I'm not really going all out like I have in the past, and something tells me I'll probably be working FMC the night of Christmas day...maybe.....who knows.    I got into FMC since last I posted.  It's been a while since I posted on here and felt it was high time I did.   The only problem with FMC is that where I work there are not a lot of hours for it, so I mostly still work the same chicken feed paying job I have been working for almost three years now.  My glasses are broken and there is nowhere in this no where town to get them fixed.  I can't even find a glass repair kit in town, so looks like I'll be ordering one over the internet.

I thought I might still surprise some people and make something home made for Christmas but I'm not sure if I should or not.   It'll depend on how much I make this and next week.   Not a whole lot goes on with me that really needs me to update monthly.  My car is still broken and I'm still walking 6 miles a day roughly because of work.    So much anime out there I want but cannot afford.   I've been really getting into the My Pet Girlfriend of Sakurasou or something like that and Tonari are both awesome series.  I hope they both come over to the US dubbed.

I Could Do Better

I see what passes for entertainment on television and movies and can't help but feel I could do better; but then realized it'd probably would never air.   Because it'd be too good and executives and marketing department would fuck it up.  Because usually it isn't the script writer's fault a show sucks it's all that third party interference; although sometimes the script writers are hacks that don't know shit.   But not always XD.   

If anyone who reads this is curious about my writing I have a blog that highlights my projects and you can also check some old things out on my DA account her ------>  My DA Writings

Sinking or Dangling in the Quicksand

I just feel like no matter my endeavors I am making no progress on any front.  I feel as though I'm sinking in quicksand and no matter what I do things only seem to get worse for me.    I am tired of my job jerking me around saying they're going to move into a new department only to send me back to the same sucky ass bottom of the totem poll position, and sick of seeing other people move ahead while I'm stuck in the exact same spot every year; only each year it feels like I'm worse off, hence the quicksand reference.   I just don't find fulfillment in my job.    I can't take the banality of it and my life anymore; but I don't know what else to do.   I'm tired of everyone else being able to get away with shit that I can't at work as well.   I'm tired of working this job. I'm tired of walking home 3 miles everyday and walking there 3 miles everyday to go to a job that doesn't pay near enough and that I detest, and not getting my proper breaks, if at all.   I'm just tired of it all and I keep looking for other places to work; but keep coming up empty, and it makes it even harder since I don't have a car and pretty soon I'm going to have to deal with a lot more bills on my own since after this month I'm not going to have anyone helping me with them anymore.  Just don't know what to do except to just accept it and keep sinking into this quick sand that is my life. 

I'm tired of pomp-ass, dumb-ass managers who when they spot a problem believe the best solution is throw the problem on someone else rather then dealing with it themselves.  I'm tired of that stupid societal question of "how are you?"  People don't really care when they ask that.   If I told how I was doing and felt to a customer it'd probably get me fired.  And I'm tired having to force this fake sincerity and caring, so I'm at least going to stop that.  I hate the mask I have to wear at work, I just want to be alittle more myself and a little less this stranger I pretend to be at work.

Being Poor Sucks....Well duh.

Today's caws or ranting is being poor sucks.   My car broken down today and I have no idea what's wrong with it.  Which means that I'll be walking around or over 3 miles in the fucking 100 degree heat to get to work and probably hotter then that to get home; because their is no crappy mass transit in the middle of nowhere that is my town, not that mass transit is any better; but it beats walking out in the heat.     I could take a cab; but I'm too cheap and with my paycheck I have to be as I don't get enough to even really cover all my expenses.  If it wasn't for my great family helping me out when they can I'd probably be dying in a gutter somewhere.  So no matter how much they can enjoy the one thing you should always be able to count on are your true friends and family.  It figures that after I finally have the money to get the window fixed, the rest of the car breaks down on me. 

I am so not looking forward to tomorrow as at work they're short handed in the department I work in so I usually have to a couple other peoples jobs aside from my own, without any extra pay incentive; what  a load of bs that is.   I really want to get in as checker and I put down for it; but I have this strange feeling I'm probably not even being seriously considered; which pisses me off even more.  It just feels like no matter what I try I just can't get ahead.  I can't afford all that cool anime that's coming out and there is a lot.  Why is it when I have extra money there is no anime I want; but when I'm broke a ton of the stuff comes out on DVD.    Like I said, being poor sucks, and so does working a crappy job I could've gotten without a diploma.  That's enough cawing and ranting for now.  I'll type more later.  

A List of Anime I'd Like to See More of Get Made

1. Bastard!!  (Enough manga is out now that there should be plenty of material for a series, hopefully as 12 episoded season as an adult series)

 2.  Orphen. ( I want a better second season; because the last season sucked and wasn't up to the same quality to me as the first one.)

3. Full Metal Panic (Not sure if there is more; but would love to see more of this series, with the quality being similar to the First and Third Season with a little bit of wackiness of the Second Season in it as well.)

4.  Banner of Stars (Would love to see more.  The world is so very detailed, it makes me think of Lord of the Rings in space; but only with the details into the background of it.)
I would also love for the rest of the books to make their way over translated into English.

5. Tytania (loved this series even subbed.  I wished it had gotten picked up for a dub. But aside from that I'd also love to see more of Tytania.  I thought the opening theme song was cool, but maybe I'm just weird.

(Here's a link to it: Opening Song)
















I'll post more if I think of them.

The First Caw

This is my first post on this blog.   This is the place where I'll talk or caw on about whatever is on my mind at the moment.  I guess at the moment that's all I have to say.